Grieving

Today’s “Pay Forward” gift is emotional. I told myself when all else fails to go to an A.A. meeting. I decided to go early to my meeting. When I walked into the meeting room, I saw someone who looked familiar setting at the back. For some reason, this person looked out of character. I assign names to some, not just to protect their anonymity but also to protect the innocent part of their guilty. I called this person, "Joyful Joyce" because she “always” had a wonderful smile, but not this time. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot; she wouldn't look up or return my greeting. No doubt she was deeply grieving the loss of someone or something important. She sat in silence for a long time. Finely she opened up and told me what happen. She was having a difficult time doing Step Four inventory. She was just repeating the same old stuff. Her sponsor suggested that she focus on one of her other addictions. Her denial broke down, and she owned that addiction and surrendered it to our Father. Letting it go was like ripping off her flesh. She believed the addiction was her best friend, even though it was killing her. Her grieving was for the loss of this lifelong “friend.” I understood her grieving. Every time I let go of one of my addictions, I experienced a great loss at first, then freedom. Thy Love, Thy Will be done. 

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